Some women often insist that chivalry is dead. Heartbroken and flustered, they cling to those moments, those memories, those situations that left them simmering in anguish as they longed for the one. They say they yearn for that good man; the motivated type of guy who consciously and constantly endeavors to better himself in every way possible as a lover, provider, confidant and friend. They create vivid descriptions in their mind; depictions of the perfect love with the perfect lover. They sprinkle him with the attributes they desire; virtues and characteristics that help paint the portrait of a man that is romantically, intellectually, financially, spiritually, and physically endowed. Obsessed with their own needs, demands and expectations, they never stop to think about what they themselves have to offer in exchange.
I’ve realized that not many women understand that chivalry goes both ways and that it demands reciprocation in order for a relationship to work. One thing I’ve learned from both experience and observation is that for every woman that claims she’s searching for that good man, there is a good man who was hurt by a woman who didn’t know what to do with him once she found him. Taken for granted and under-appreciated, all he is now searching for is that one keeper, that woman who’s not only a keeper in her own regard, but also understands that he too is a keeper and should be treated as such. Be that woman, and a good man will never leave you.
Be a woman that is decisive, knows what she wants and what she’s looking for and he will never let you go. Be that woman who, despite her shallow impulses, can appreciate a good man when she finds one, and he will always appreciate you. He may not be the sexiest or the smartest, the toughest or the richest, but hold on to him because he is the true definition of a good man, and he will hold you so near and dear to his heart. Nothing more attractive to a good man than a woman who keeps herself out of drama. Never find yourself in the middle of a brawl, caught in mean-spirited gossip, or piss drunk causing a scene, and your man will cherish you for your character and the way you carry yourself despite the chaos drama may throw your way. Encourage him to better himself, but love him for who he is and not what you want him to be. Be supportive, but don’t coddle and spoil him. Hold him accountable and call him on his bullshit, and a good man will never doubt that you have his best interests at heart. No man, good or bad, likes your friends to be too involved in whatever problems you might be having in your relationship but at least a good man will understand why you confide in them even though it makes him uncomfortable. Just make sure your friends know their boundaries and he will not only respect you, but your friends as well. If those boundaries are overstepped however, a good man might decide he’s had enough of the trespassing. A good man wants to pamper his woman, let him. As long as you value his gestures of affection, a decent man will never feel used or taken advantage of.
One could go on and on giving tips and pointers about how to treat and keep a good man. However, the most important tip I could give you would be that you should be yourself. Sometimes people play a game of keeping up appearances; we create facades of who we are based on what we think the other person wants to see. A good man will always appreciate the real you. A good man will always appreciate all of you: the good, the bad, and the very ugly. Understand the true definition of reciprocation, accept that chivalry goes both ways, and I’m convinced you’ll figure out how to treat and keep your good man.