It’s not my intent to set some unrealistic standards of romance or chivalry, and I do believe that there are a lot of good men out there. The only problem is that some women are so preoccupied with investing time in the bad choices, they never notice the good ones. So I’m going to do you all a favor and help you drop that bad guy so that you are available and baggage free when a good one comes around.
1. If your man tries to regulate who your friends are—goes through your Facebook and sifts through your text messages and calls—he is not worth keeping.
Nothing more disconcerting than to be with someone with major insecurities, trust issues, and jealousy. One never knows what that can lead to. No point in sticking around to find out though.
2. If your man is physically abusive or he has threatened to be at one point or another, he is not worth keeping.
That one needs no explanation whatsoever.
3. If your man has a habit of saying and doing stupid things then blames it on the alcohol; if he blames it on anything, everything, and everyone else but himself, he is not worth keeping.
You want to be with someone that can acknowledge when they’ve done wrong. Chances are, if he can’t do that, you are dating someone who will never be wrong in an argument, someone who will never hear you out, someone who can never take criticism, and someone who will never admit to doing wrong when the evidence proves otherwise.
4. If your man is always asking you to buy him stuff and give him money, yet all he does is sit on the couch, he is not worth keeping.
Unless you’re running a charity organization, there is absolutely no reason you should be a grown man’s caretaker. There is nothing wrong with helping your man out when he is going through a tough time, but that’s different from taking care of someone who is taking advantage of you.
5. If your man doesn’t respect your family, even though we all know they can be a little bit difficult, he is not worth keeping.
I get it, some people in your family will never like the person you are with. Sometimes they have good reasons and other times they don’t. In either case though, as much as he may not like them or they may not like him, they are still your family and he has to respect that.
6. Even though it’s not his biological child, if your man can’t learn to love your kid, he is not worth keeping.
Never put your man before your children. A good man will never put you in a position where you have to pick between the two. A good man understands that if he is dating someone with a child, then he is dating two people and therefore he should love and adore them both. A guy that isn’t worth it can’t comprehend that and sees your child as competition and a distraction from the attention you could be giving him.
7. If your man can’t be faithful, forget second chances, he is not worth keeping.
No explanation required.
8. If your man can’t stick up for you when all his home girls and home boys are being snarky and rude towards you, he is not worth keeping.
Friends will always have opinions about who you date, but that doesn’t give them a license to be rude and disrespectful to the person you’re with.
9. If your man can’t make a dollar the honest way—if his lifestyle keeps you scared at night whenever you hear a tire screech or makes you nervous every time a cop drives by—he is not worth keeping.
Some girls like to date that bad boy. But there are some lifestyle that are just not advisable; lifestyles that offer unnecessary risks and very little rewards.
10. If your man can’t make you feel loved and instead, makes you feel ugly on the outside and empty on the inside, he is not worth keeping.
Some men like to control their women by shattering their self-esteem and self-worth. Any man that makes you feel inadequate or less than deserving of better is not worth keeping.
11. If your man has a list of rules that apply to you but never to him, then he is not worth keeping.
Imagine dating a guy who tries to tell you if you can or can’t go out. And in the event that he lets you go out, decides who you go out with, where you go out, and when you have to be back. Yet, he can go wherever he wants, with whomever he wants to and not feel obligated to tell you what he was up to.
12. If you feel as though you’re the only person fighting to make the relationship work, the only person making a sincere effort, then he is not worth keeping.
Relationships are about reciprocation. It’s a partnership that only works when both people are invested in it. If you’re the only one sacrificing and the only one compromising, then maybe the writing is on the wall—he is not as committed and invested in the relationship as you are.
Conclusion: Now you could switch the gender or sexuality of those involved and a lot of this advice would still be the same. We often find ourselves in unhealthy relationships yet we ignore the many signs that show us we need to let go and walk away, these are just 12 of many.
From Kwapi Vengesayi‘s book, Men Cheat More, Women Cheat Better: Stories and Conversations About Love, Life and Everything in Between (2017) Available on Amazon