There are many moments in my life I’ve found myself and my faith shaken and rattled. I’ve had moments of happiness and joy, but they were few and far apart. I’ve had moments of struggle and heartache, and they always seemed insurmountable and never ending. These were moments that made me question God’s very existence, and if I still believed in his existence, made me wonder if he cared or played favorites like my 4th grade teacher. Yet, through all my reservations and doubts, I still find myself mumbling a little prayer through my darkest and brightest chapters.
I’m not some religious zealot that’s trying to lure and trick you into reading some testimonial intended to boost church recruitment numbers or Bible sales. Anyone who knows me, knows I don’t go to church. Anyone who knows me, knows I’m openly critical of my fellow Christians. Anyone who knows me, knows I struggle with faith. I share this to express the simple fact that in all my missteps and doubts, convictions and confessions, God is still a big part of my life because ironically, in those moments that I feel my faith is at its weakest, it becomes stronger.
God has never lightened my burdens, but he has always blessed me with the strength to carry the heaviest loads. God has never helped me cut corners or take shortcuts on this journey we call life, but he has graced me with the spiritual, mental, and physical fortitude to go the distance. God has never showed up in the moments I wanted him to, but he’s always been there in the moments I needed him to be. This has been the story of my life and my faith—sometimes the good coming before the bad and the bad coming before the good, but God still present through it all. I’ve walked and I’ve stumbled. I’ve laughed and I’ve cried. I’ve succeeded and I’ve failed. I live and I will die. But regardless, through the many twists and turns that are characteristic of this thing called life, I do believe in God, his grace, and his blessings towards those who live for the greater good of others.