She said, “Love lasts no longer than a moment. Like footprints in a desert storm, its swept away by the winds of circumstance and indifference. The tears that we shed soon after flow endlessly into rivers of heartache and agony as you wonder why someone you cared about so much could leave you feeling this way; you wonder if you meant as much to them as they did to you.”
To some, the experience of love is nothing more than the sudden realization that you were better off single. It is the precipitation and withering away of affection; an existence in which denial meets reality and where your perceptions of what love should have been are met with considerable irony as you realize what love was not. Where love was supposed to be patient, you found impatience. Where love was supposed to embody kindness, peace of mind and affection, you found insincerity, despair, and selfishness. To others love is nothing more than another chapter in an ongoing saga of betrayal and deceit, a reality in which love stops being a welcome pleasure and cascades into a tumultuous rollercoaster.
Now bound by fear, she began to stare at love from a distance. She said, “I’m tired of falling for these mirages; men who pretend to possess all these wonderful qualities but end up being nothing more than an illusion, fake ass posers that masquerade as keepers.”
A broken heart crumbles like a sand castle built on a creamy white beach and as the tide sweeps away all the hope and sacrifice you dedicated to love, you find yourself feeling like a hollow washed up shell. The heartache lingers, and the memories never seem to fade. In the hopes of numbing the pain and not getting hurt again, you hide your heart in secret places. You tuck it away in used shoe boxes and slip it into the darkest corners of your jaded mind just so that you can keep it hidden from anyone who might try find love in you again.
But soon she began to heal, looked back at her past relationships and realized something she had never noticed before. “I’ve always settled for what I want, but what I want has never been good for me. It lied. It cheated. It controlled me. It hurt me. Yet, when I’ve come across what I need, I’ve been too blind to see it or appreciate it.” As if to encapsulate and capture the rejuvenated zeal of a mended heart, she uttered, “The cure to misery is hope.”
Love hurts, but if you’re going to go through that pain you might as well learn the lessons from each experience. It’s a thin line between loving wisely and loving foolishly. True love has no place for infatuation. People who do not know how to love fall in love easily, and if you are too eager, your pre-emptive expectations will lead you to an agonizing end. At the same time however, if you’re too far removed from letting someone in then that path leads to nothing more than agonizing loneliness. Love is about a little common sense mixed with a pinch of risk taking. It’s an intricate balance between reality and expectations; a balance between the lessons in your past and the hopes you have for your love life’s future. Love hurts, but there comes a point in time in which you have to liberate yourself from the past and it’s pain. Unless you’ve condemned yourself to a lifetime of being alone, there will come a day when you will have to learn to love again; a time when you will have to learn to give your heart again. But it will only happen when you accept that the past is unchangeable. It’s when you can learn from those painful memories that never fade and begin to carve a way back to your heart. It’s when you can finally accept the simple fact that even though forever is not guaranteed, it’s worth giving it another shot once in a while.
Sincerely, Kwapi Vengesayi
From my first book, Hashtags (2013) Available on Amazon