Your love life is nothing more than failed attempts at romance and relationships that never end in commitment. Every story you tell about the person that has your heart always seems to be a tale of confusion; excuses and explanations that attempt to make sense of why you can’t be together. Sometimes it seems as though you’re trying to convince yourself that there is commitment at the end of the tunnel, but deep down inside you know better: for one reason or another, it’s never going to happen.
A lot of us always find ourselves in situationships: weird little grey areas in which you’re single but never quite sure if you’re free to mingle. You’re consistently, and habitually, attracted to circumstances and people who will never commit. Your heart yearns for more than just late night hangouts, sex-while-courting, and just going with the flow to see where things go. You want the titles and all the perks that come with being in an exclusive, monogamous, and public relationship. But even though you know what you want, you just can’t seem to catch a break and encounter someone who is willing to share it all with you.
Someone wiser than me once said, “Sometimes you have to forget how you feel and remember what you deserve.” Feelings can at times distract us from doing what is best for ourselves. They can deny us the clarity we need to understand and accept that the situation we are in, and the person we are in it with, will never meet our simplest of expectations: commitment. But when you remember what you deserve, you soon recognize your self-worth and in that moment, you can find the strength you need to either state your terms to the person you are hoping will commit, or move on and find someone who will if that person you have feelings for will not.
Sincerely, Kwapi Vengesayi
This is an excerpt from Kwapi Vengesayi‘s book, Men Cheat More, Women Cheat Better: Stories and Conversations About Love, Life and Everything in Between (2017) Available on Amazon