I think some people are innately better at being alone than others. I am not one of those people. I am an extrovert. I love to be in the company of others. Groups, one on one, you name it, I love it. Maybe that’s why I’m a little bit of a bar rat. I love the idea of getting out and having a good time. I love meeting new people. I love that alcohol opens people up a little more. It’s a common trait so many of us have; that warm, fuzzy confidence that fills us up once we’ve knocked a few down.
I’m also a bit monogamous. I’d go from one relationship into another without much of a break to pick up pieces that were being left behind. I never stopped to mend myself back together. I turned to a person to fill them. Unfortunately, I was never filling them with anything of substance. Rather, it was like water that would fill the holes for a while, but it would slowly seep out, causing more damage, erosion, and loss all over again. The problem with never truly fixing something is that the temporary fix is merely that, only temporary.
There is a stigma on people who hate being alone. It’s easy to speculate that we are dependent, depressed, and have low self-esteem. Why else would they hate being with themselves? I disagree for those who truly just enjoy the presence of others. I can be alone. But I don’t like it. Just the way I don’t like mushrooms. If it comes in small doses, chopped up and mixed around, I can and do enjoy mushrooms. But big mushrooms, I can’t swallow. I just don’t like them.
So stop placing judgment on women who like being in relationships. Stop pretending that human acceptance and love isn’t something we all strive for. Stop putting us in a box. I’m no longer going to pretend that I am fine being alone. I’m not going to say that being single is the best thing in the world. I’m done with the act. I know I’m strong enough to walk away from something that doesn’t make me happy. I may hate being alone, but I’m not unhappy. And I’ll never settle for anyone just because I hate being alone.
Know the difference between women who are afraid of being alone and those who just don’t like it. Because I used to be afraid. I’ve grown. I accept myself as I am. And I accept this as part of me; a girl who hates being alone.
Written By Jessalyn Hopkin
From Kwapi Vengesayi‘s book, Men Cheat More, Women Cheat Better: Stories and Conversations About Love, Life and Everything in Between (2017) Available on Amazon