Some say a good woman or man is hard to find. I disagree. I think the good ones are easy to find, but the shallow goggles some of us wear make them harder to notice. The best ones pass as us by while we obsess over the bad ones. We don’t give them a chance even though they deserve it. We ache for the type of love they could give us even though we don’t know it. The good ones are easy to find, we just have to open our eyes to see it.
What is the definition of a ‘good’ man or woman though? Is there some generic standard of expectations that comes to mind when one tries to envision the ideal mate? Does good simply mean someone that is honest in life and in love? Is good simply defined as someone who continuously strives to better themselves professionally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally? Or good is someone who is loyal, devoted, kind and supportive? Perhaps, good is all of the above, the sum of all those things we find endearing and honorable in life and love.
But even though we have this ‘good’ blueprint our experiences and observations have helped us draft, sometimes we stumble in our search for goodness because we are distracted by things that are of a more superficial nature: looks and material indulgences. Not to be misunderstood, looks do matter, but some of us put more value in them than we should; value that can sometimes hinder us from finding a good man or woman. With regards to material things, there is nothing wrong with liking them or being drawn to someone that has them. But when we put that before everything else, before character especially, it comes at a cost. Simply put, an obsession with looks and material things can be a distraction. Like gazing through a foggy window on a rainy day, our ability to see what’s on the inside, good or bad, becomes blurred.
Some of us wake up to heartbreak and others are stalked by the agony of loneliness as they long for companionship. Regardless of circumstances, many of us are bitter. The pursuit of love has been unkind to us and in frustration we throw up our arms in surrender and insist that the good ones are hard to find. But if we’re honest with ourselves; if we truly reflect on our past encounters with the ones we gave a chance and the ones we didn’t, we may soon come to the realization that the good ones aren’t hard to find, it’s our shallow tendencies that make them harder to notice.
Sincerely, Kwapi Vengesayi
From Kwapi Vengesayi‘s book, Men Cheat More, Women Cheat Better: Stories and Conversations About Love, Life and Everything in Between (2017) Available on Amazon