I have friends that are stuck in those on-again off-again relationships. Like a pendulum swinging on a grandfather clock, they are caught in what seems to be an infinite and predictable loop. One day they tell you they are done and moving on, but the next day they say they are back together, things will be different, and they didn’t mean what they said the day before.
Perhaps they are right. In the heat of emotion we sometimes say things we don’t mean. Infused with anger, pain, and disappointment, we say things out of hurt. Conflict in relationships can be overwhelming and exhausting but once the anguish fades we come to our senses and realize that maybe we overreacted and can work things out.
Perhaps they are wrong. Sometimes we hold on when we should be letting go. Our first instinct to break it off was the right one. But for some reason we can’t move on and so we convince ourselves that things will be different the second, third, or fourth time around. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is always the best thing for you but we just can’t find the strength to do it—can’t find the strength to leave and stay gone. The easiest thing to do ends up being the option we pick—we stay.
I think you’re only allowed one break up and make up in relationships. You get one courtesy lets try it again coupon. Anything beyond that and the writing is pretty much on the wall: you’re just not meant to be together. This pattern of breaking up and making up again is a clear and sure sign and symptom of a relationship that may never improve. It’s a relationship with people that just aren’t compatible or good together; a relationship between two individuals who haven’t accepted that maybe there is someone out there that’s better for them, or at the very least, they are better off alone than with the person they are with.
Sincerely, Kwapi Vengesayi
From Kwapi Vengesayi‘s book, Men Cheat More, Women Cheat Better: Stories and Conversations About Love, Life and Everything in Between (2017) Available on Amazon