Our hearts waved goodbye as we blew kisses into the wind. Before today, together forever was a promise. We didn’t shake on it, but as our lips locked for the first the time a pact was made. We were in love. A love so strong that if we died of old age and were reincarnated, our minds, bodies and souls would make their way back to each other just so that we could do forever all over again.
However, the emotions that inspired those moments of affection soon faded—at least for me. I broke it off. It’s never your intention to cause someone pain but sometimes that’s what being truthful and honest brings. I never regretted being with her. I never regretted what we went through together. And I never regretted that I loved her. My only regret was that I never understood why I fell out of love, and being the person that I am, I wasn’t going to string her along while I tried to figure it out.
No one ever wants the person that hurt them to see how badly they are hurting. So she shed a few tears, told me she understood, and put on a happy face. Memories fade, but the heart never forgets—it holds on when it should be letting go. So she held on to me longer than she should have—so much so that it became toxic. Where she once had love for me, hate took its place. She started resenting anything that reminded her of me. To her, as far as future romance was concerned, nice guys need not apply.
“At least with the douchebags I expect disappointment,” she would tell her friends. “With the good ones, they can break your heart with the best of intentions and you can’t be mad at them for it, and that cuts deeper than any asshole beating me, cheating on me, or leaving me ever could. With the bad ones, you don’t have expectations of being with them forever. With the nice ones, you can’t help but paint pictures of the future and forever. Masterpieces created out of love but shattered in an instance. ”
I broke her heart thinking that my decision was good for both us down the line—I was wrong. It was only good for me. Often times, when it comes to love and heartbreak, one person never stops to consider how much heartache they can inflict on someone else through their decisions and actions, both good and bad. We understand that our words and deeds will cause pain and break someone, but fail to comprehend how long it will take for that person to glue themselves together again—if ever. Some people’s hearts allow them to move on, while others can’t let go. Some people become clingy and insecure in every relationship that comes after, and others just go wild and become heartbreakers themselves. Some people keep grudges and never forgive, while others take the time to heal and be whole before trying to love again. It goes with saying, heartache is a terrible thing to endure and overcome.
From Kwapi Vengesayi‘s book, Love Is Work: Hashtags About Love, Life, and Everything in Between (2014) Available on Amazon