There is nothing more exhilarating than getting to know someone. Nothing more exciting than getting lost in your mind as you imagine the potential of what that person could become in your life—a good friend or lover, perhaps a husband or wife. You are overwhelmed by the attention they give you—the calls, the text messages, and the time spent together. You’re enthralled, and you do your best to return the favor, just to show you’re as interested as they are.
But over time, things get murky. Whether it’s because of you or them, confusion sets in as you wonder if you’re on the same page. Uncertainty dampens that excitement you felt initially, because you’re now not sure if their intentions and expectations are in line with yours. You ask yourself those questions you should ask them. These are the questions you ask, hoping to define the relationship, but because you’ve asked them too late, they lead to awkward conversations, disappointment, and broken hearts.
Whether it’s innocent cuddle buddies, friends with benefits, or building towards romance and love, it’s important to take a moment and just talk about things. And because circumstances and feelings change over time, it’s not simply about discussing your expectations and intentions once, but about revisiting that conversation every once in a while to make sure you’re on the same page. Never shy away from expressing what’s in your heart and mind; it’s okay to ask those questions and share those thoughts many of us are afraid to—what are we? Where is this headed? What are your expectations, now that I’ve told you mine?
Sincerely, Kwapi Vengesayi
From Kwapi Vengesayi‘s book, Men Cheat More, Women Cheat Better: Stories and Conversations About Love, Life and Everything in Between (2017) Available on Amazon